Stained

Predawn in the mountains.  I strolled up the dark trail, scratching my arms while savouring the last sweet remnants of sleep.  This was the first day of a Vipassana retreat.  I have been here several times, but this would be my first chance to occupy one of the newly completed, private meditation cells,

I found my cell along the hushed corridor, and entered a high-ceiling room which was barely wider than the door.    I sat on my custom-made cushion, flipped the light switch (conveniently located by my elbow), and after enjoying the total silence and darkness, closed my eyes and began to work.

After a while, I felt, on my foot, a tingling sensation.  Last night, we were instructed to focus on the breath, and to ignore bodily sensation.  I tried to comply,  but the sensation turned into an itching sensation.  Being an "Old Student" I was taught what to do.  I  could hear my teacher's deep melodious voice:  "Just observe as the sensation arises... passes away... Aniche [Law of impermanence]."  However, the sensation did not pass away, but intensified into a pain sensation.  At this point, I realized that this morning could also be my first chance to experience the emergence of a deep-rooted Sankhara [Habitual reaction].  According to our teacher, if I kept "perfect equanimity",  the Sankhara will dissipate, and I will become more wholesome.  However, when a hot flame touched my foot, I lost my equanimity.  In one quick swoop, I uncrossed my legs, opened my eyes, and turned-on the light.

My left foot was indeed red and swollen. Then, my peripheral vision caught some motion.  An insect, smaller than an ant, was crawling slowly on my right leg.  Its movement seemed to be hindered by the large shiny-black sphere which comprised the hind part of his body.  In pure instinct, my hand flew towards the target, and caught the vermin between thumb and forefinger. Then, I squeezed.  In the quiet room, the ensuing "POP" rang like a rifle shot.  All that was left of the poor creature was a red, comet-shaped, stain on my pants.

The pain quickly subsided, but my agitation lasted longer, even as I returned to sit.  Was it rage?  Revulsion?  Or maybe regret, for violating the first moral precept to "Abstain from killing any being."

P.S.
The next day, I recouped some of my lost merits by rescuing a drowning ant out of the urinal.  My battle with the bed-bugs lasted throughout the course, but without incurring additional casualties.

P.P.S
Rereading the story, I realized that it has a hidden moral, which would apply even to bugs.  "Don't be greedy."